Roland Comtois shares words of comfort for grief-stricken souls.
Colleen’s face is etched with the markings of grief. She recounts her beloved mother’s passing some days ago, but her voice becomes frozen in time with sorrow and pain. Nancy’s husband sits quietly in the back of the room. He stuffed in his coat pocket the remnants of love he shared with his wife; a picture, a ring and a sacred trinket. He is too numb to talk and seeks moments of freedom that are elusive to his soul’s desire. Little Bobby sits impatiently in the front row with his dad’s Red Sox shirt on. He whimpers with deep remorse because he wants to share a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with his dad once more. All of them are immersed in the physical and emotional suffering of grief.
Grief is as much physical, as it is emotional. It will cause your body to stop. You’ll be mid-way through a conversation when all your thoughts slip far from your reality. Sometimes you’ll cry as you walk past the bakery you visited together. All of these experiences are normal reactions to an aching body, mind and soul as a result of losing a loved one. Headlines announced in spring 2011 on CNN and in USA Today reported the findings of a study about heartbreak and physical pain, stating that there is a very real connection between the two. The study confirmed that loss and grief of any kind hurts and that the emotional and physical pain that comes with losing a loved one can be crushing. Like all of those individuals that have suffered through loss, our bodies will communicate the grief as our emotions toil with pain.
Colleen said that despite the peacefulness of her mother’s passing, it was a significant blow to her life. Grief comes marching through with no care for what’s in its path. Many I have spoken with say they have lost a part of themselves somewhere, somehow. Grief causes you to forget, stops you from breathing, causes your voice not to talk and sometimes forgets to wake you up. It holds you hostage until you begin the process of healing, simply meaning finding balance one breath at a time.
Often when grief comes knocking at the door it never stays at the entrance. It seems to slither its way deep into the corners of your heart and wraps you in pain, but there are things to do to slowly reclaim your present moment. For example; stand as tall as you can even when your body resists. Remember that loss is a physical experience, as it is emotional. Your body will ache. Your spirit will ache. Be kind to yourself. Rest as much as you can. Remember your inner strength. It’s there and always has been there. Rely on yourself and your inner connection to guide you through your dark days. Call out for help, let someone in, and seek guidance if your sadness overwhelms you. If you need to scream out, scream out with a friend. Cry on someone’s shoulders. Let them know how sad you really are. You don’t have to battle this alone. Don’t hold it in. Cry and cry, and cry some more.
Nancy’s husband found comfort and loving support from friends and even from sacred channeled messages that showcased the eternal spark of love. Remember that there are many people who want to listen to you, hug you and support you, as you navigate the depth of your grief. By allowing this to happen you open the door to moments of peace, support and love, which is so richly needed at this time of your life. There are therapists, healers and support systems available to you as you walk through your despair.
What we all must try to do is remember the joy, remember the memories and always remember the love. For this will make your heart smile. Nancy’s husband said the greatest gift was that he had someone who loved him for who he was, and he finds great solace in holding on to that memory.
The Aquarian Gospel of Jesus Christ says “when grief comes trooping through, surround yourself in the ministry of love” and the bible says “love will endure.” Love is the only ingredient that will bridge together the process of grief to peace. It will only do this one moment at a time and one breath at a time, so give yourself time.
Like little Bobby who steps forward from his fear and reaches a place of peace, so can all of us who suffer from the loss of a loved one. When we remember the love that is shared and realize that love and life, death and dying don’t separate us from each other, then we can begin to find the inner light again. In the midst of grief, there is one thing that binds us, and that is the memories that hold them, all of us, together.